*A News Flash from Pennsylvania...*

Today, Jerry Sandusky's defense team is expected to allege Sandusky's innocence on the grounds that he is not a rapist, but rather-a religious matyr. Apparently, Sandusky's wife claims that her husband,influnced by the unplifting story of John the Baptist, took to calling himself "Jerry the Baptist" at Sunday dinners- a habit which the defense now believes can explain his excessive time spent near running water and in the company of young boys. After some time Sandusky began penning inserts for local childrens' bibles where he dubbed himself "Jerry the Rap-tist.", and glorified his showering exploits, to the of some parents. The defense team has realized that since all efforts to prove Sandusky's innocence have failed amid a MOUNTING, ahem... GROWING, ahem...increasing body of harmful testimony there is no choice but to do as public figures so often do in times of desperation-appeal to religion.